From a young woman the U.S.: I need an opinion from women who’ve had abortions. I’m in a year long long distance relationship with a guy in New York. I’m 17 weeks along. He knows but my parents do not. My family is Mormon but I am not, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents more than I already have.
I love them both and they have done so much for me. After my first baby (whom I had because I was raped and gave him away) they were very protective and supportive. I never went to therapy and never got over the feeling of wanting to be a mother. I’m afraid that after I tell them they wont want anything to do with me and will not let me see my younger siblings.
I’m pro-choice, but for myself I wouldn’t abort a child if I have the support. My boyfriend is the same way. He’s moving out to be with me and the baby in less than 3 weeks. I called an abortion clinic not too long ago and made an appointment to get an abortion, but I’m scared and second guessing myself, mostly because I want to keep the baby, but we’re both too young and broke. I need someones opinion who’s been through something similar and just give me advise so I can decided if I should cancel the appointment, tell my parents, and keep my baby, or go through with the abortion.
I’m very concerned that you didn’t have some therapy after the birth and adoption of your first baby. Even when giving up the baby was the right thing to do, it is not at all uncommon for women who have surrendered a baby and not had therapy to have a “replacement baby” to ease the sense of loss and longing.
This is too big a decision for you and your boyfriend to make on your own, especially since you do not have the resources to be independent. You probably do need to involve your family. But before you do, I strongly urge you to have a few sessions with a therapist who has experience with adoption issues. Your local Planned Parenthood health center has specially trained staff who can talk with you about all of your options. (See more at: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/pregnant-now-what). The therapist will help you clarify what you want to do and how best to involve your parents.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Should I Have an Abortion?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Should I Have an Abortion?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/01/31/should-i-have-an-abortion/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.