Thank you for writing. Managing your life right now may be more difficult than you are giving yourself credit for. Your grandmother is very ill, which may be bringing up unfinished grieving about your dad. Your mother is overwhelmed so you don’t have her support. You have reasons to be unhappy.
I’m glad you have writing as an outlet and that you have such a supportive friend. I’m sorry you don’t feel you can talk with your school counselor. I only remind you that counselors are usually pretty good at separating out history from the present.
If you find you really can’t use that resource, then I suggest you call the Boys Town hotline and talk to a counselor there (1-800-448-3000). The Hotline is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and staffed by specially trained Boys Town counselors. The service is free and confidential. Don’t be put off by the name. The counselors talk to girls, too.
I wish you well.