You said that you don’t want to visit a “doctor in person” because you don’t want to “have to look” at them. The fact that you been diagnosed with depression and anxiety would suggest that you have already visited a doctor in person. He or she seemed to think that depression and anxiety were the most fitting diagnoses. The professional who had the opportunity to meet with you in-person would have been in the best position to offer a diagnosis. Perhaps depression and anxiety are accurate diagnoses.
Your not wanting to be around others or be in a relationship, your desire not to “have a very long life,” and your engaging in self-harm, are consistent with depression. People with anxiety are afraid of people. They’re very self-conscious about how they are perceived by others and will often avoid social situations because of their anxiety.
The symptoms that are inconsistent with depression and anxiety include your desire to “consume a human” and your belief that you are being watched. Those symptoms may be related to depression and anxiety, but I would need more information to know with certainty.
Maybe you don’t have a strong desire to change but none of the symptoms you have described seem pleasant. They seem to be degrading your life. If you want to improve your quality of life, then you should be in treatment. The symptoms you have described are treatable with therapy and medication.
Depression and anxiety are two of the most common mental illnesses in the world. Many people who have symptoms just like yours have recovered with treatment.
If you’re willing to go to treatment, then you can expect a positive change. If you’re unwilling to go to treatment, then these problems could worsen. I hope that you choose treatment. There’s no reason to live with curable problems. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle