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Changes Mind at Last Minute

Asked by on with 1 answer:

For a year, we have been talking about moving in together. We decided to do it and set a date. I gave up the lease to my apartment. We waited until my lease was up. Plans have been made.

Last night, he texts me that he’s changed his mind. He may have left me homeless. I told him that I trusted him and his word. And that’s the last I’ve heard from him. His 30 yr old daughter does not like me and she is currently visiting. She attempted to break us up two years ago.

He does not make decisions quickly and often goes back and forth. But for the past year, this has been a go. He has been abused by his ex-wife and taken advantage of by people close to him. This is a 6+ year relationship that has been good except when he undergoes extreme stress. Then he shuts down.

He knows I can’t afford to renew the lease, if this place will let me and I’m too young for Senior Housing.

Emotionally, I am devastated. I know he has issues. But I accepted those as part of him. But this pattern of behavior is killing me. Otherwise, it’s been great. Decent communication except when he stresses out.
He’d been loving until now. But worried about his health, his kids. All adults. There has been no issues brought to my attention. We’ve been planning to live together, retire together. Now, BOOM!Out of the blue and when the one adult child who does not like me visits- this!

She verbally and emotionally abuses him but he still wants to earn her love.

Thanks.

Changes Mind at Last Minute

Answered by on -

A.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. This layer of betrayal is difficult to absorb — and I believe you will need courage and resilience to move forward.

The nature of his actions have left you without a place to live, without a good enough reason, and without communication from him. If this is what he is capable of after a 6-year relationship, you don’t want to invest more of your time or yourself. While his behavior is reprehensible, it allows you to see that he can’t be relied upon. As sad and unfortunate as this is his true colors have been shown.

The work now is for you to restore yourself and reclaim your self-reliance. I would look toward resources at your local woman’s centr to help find suitable housing. He has burned his bridges with you and it is time for you to move forward rebuilding your life.

Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Changes Mind at Last Minute

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Changes Mind at Last Minute. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2017/01/04/changes-mind-at-last-minute/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 4 Jan 2017)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.