I can’t tell you whether or not you should have “just left him alone.” However, I would guess that deep down inside, you believe that you were very lucky to find this man. You have said endlessly complementary things about this man. The only negative things that you bring up are sexual things. There are 1440 minutes in one day. There are 10,080 minutes in a week. After the first year or two of a relationship, after things have settled in, most couples spend on average 15 to 30 minutes per week engaged in shared sexual activity. Out of a possible score of 10,080, your boyfriend has a score of 10,050 or better.
I could literally write a book about sexuality (and perhaps someday I will), with the misconceptions and problems that affect and often end relationships. I can’t do the subject justice in a few paragraphs but let me say this: Never confuse love and sex. Sex is a biological drive that can be increased or turned off by the simple manipulation of hormones within the body. Love has nothing to do with the biological drive and the simple manipulation of hormones; separation by thousands of miles or separation by decades, will have no impact upon love.
I once had a student who said something rather profound in one of my classes. He put up his hand and asked if he could speak to the class and make a comment about something he had seen on television the night before. He was well-liked and respected in the classroom and I of course told him that he could. He said that the night before he had been watching a National Geographic special that showed chimpanzees copulating in the wild. He said that initially he thought to himself, “Wow, look at how human-like those monkeys are.” He then went on to say that very quickly, a much stronger thought erased his earlier one. He said, “I suddenly realized it wasn’t the animals that were like humans, it was the humans who were like animals.” What he was saying was that he recognized copulation as an animalistic act.
As they say “birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it.”
I would strongly recommend sex therapy. In therapy you can spend hours talking about your thoughts and concepts of sexuality and receive feedback from a very knowledgeable source.
I suspect from the words that you have written, that you have a good relationship and a little fine tuning of ideas and concepts is all that’s necessary to solve this problem. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle