For the past two months, I’ve been plagued by insomnia (or what I believe to be insomnia; not diagnosed) every waking second I’m breathing on this earth. And this is really bad. I’m only sleeping two hours a day, maybe sometimes three, and then crashing on the sixth or seventh day sleeping around eight hours.
I’ve also been abusing a lot of cocaine, LSD and oxycodone lately – just because I’m bored, really bored. To be fair, I only do cocaine maybe twice a week, and oxycodone just a few times as it helped me fall asleep some times, but it doesn’t seem to work anymore.
I do cocaine to be social at school. When high on it, I’m talking for hours about anything to anyone. It makes me people wanna be around me. It’s wonderful. It’s pure bliss. And as described above, I only did oxycodone a few times as a sleeping agent.
With LSD, I’ve done maybe 8,000 micrograms of it, meaning I’ve done about 80 hits. This was the over the span of three months, I believe. I stopped taking it as it begun to become a boring thing to do. I’ve currently had a vested interest in amphetamines like adderall as it lasts longer than cocaine.
And, I personally believe if I could fix this dreadful fucking insomnia that I won’t need to abuse drugs. When I’ve slept for 8 hours, I’m completely different. I’m social, open and happy. When deprived of sleep, I can’t concentrate at all (I quite literally lose focus in basic conversations), I hate everything, and so forth.
I can’t go to the doctors because my mom thinks I’m just lazy and thinks I’m using my sleep deprivation as an excuse. I’ve gotten sleeping medication like Ambien illegally, it worked for a few days, then didn’t. Essentially… nothing works. Exercising doesn’t work. I have a tight schedule. I eat healthy, drink lots of water. But lo and behold, I still want to kill myself from the sleep deprivation every single waking hour on this planet.
Please help. I want motivation. I want true, and not artificial happiness with tools like cocaine. I want to be able to socialize naturally, not whilst on cocaine. I’m simply just empty and angry – not depressed, sad or hopeless mind you.
Anyways… what do I do? (From Norway)