I would not consider your question to be a “wacky…rant.” It is an expression of your feelings. It’s healthy to write when you are stressed. In fact, you should do it more often. When strong emotions arise write about them. Research shows that journaling is a healthy outlet for expressing strong emotions. It can also help to clarify your thinking, come to resolutions and move you past your problems. It’s a psychologically clarifying exercise that can provide a great deal of emotional relief.
Your feelings seem perfectly understandable given your family environment. You are developing your own ideas about yourself and the world, which are in conflict with those of your parents. That conflict is causing problems for you and in your emotional life. These types of conflicts are fairly normal during adolescence. In two years, you will be an adult and can live independently, should you choose to do so.
In the meantime, speak to the school guidance counselor or the school psychologist about these issues. Counseling could help you tremendously. You might consider showing this letter to your parents. They may be more open than you realize to your seeking mental health treatment. Maybe not, but it is something to consider.
Other ideas include finding alternative outlets for your strong emotions. These can include, exercise, yoga, meditation, volunteering or reading self-help or anger management workbooks. Some of my favorite workbooks are written by David Burns and there are many others. They can be purchased through Amazon or you might find them at your local library.
I want to be clear about the fact that mental health treatment would provide you with the greatest level of benefit but if it is not an option for you, some of the aforementioned ideas may be of assistance.
Finally, if you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else, then it’s imperative that you call emergency services or go to the hospital. The staff can keep you safe and protect you from hurting yourself or someone else. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle