We’ve been dating for 8 month now. Both musicians. I’m a singer, he is multi instrumentalist, the great one. 16 years older. We’ve been friends for a year before and shared our lives and stories to each other. He opened up to me and told me about some casual intimate moments with other singers before he meet me and while he was trying to get my attention. He told me everything , but at that time I actually didn’t care too much as I didn’t thought we will be together. But now as we are together, obviously we play together as well, but sometimes he got offers from other singers to work with him. And some of those singers are the ones he had sex with before. I totally trust him and I know he loves me as much as a man can love a woman but I can’t stop being jealous, can’t stop imagine those scenes and it killing me. I understand that it’s all about the money firstly, it’s just a job , but for me personally it’s a torture, because I love him and I don’t want him to be around them. + those singers he had nothing with before, I’m also jealous as a girlfriend and as a singer even more. This situation is making me very unhappy. (From China)
Many artists have this concern and it is natural for you to have the feelings of jealously when he is with his ex’s. However, the nature of your situation and profession is such that it is likely to keep happening. The work here is to invest your energy in trusting him. You are not going to be able to manage all the moving parts, but you can make a decision about your trust. In this regard keep confiding in him about how difficult it is for you to. Your jealousy can be helped by sharing your concerns and vulnerability with each other.
Finally, you may want to find ways to change how you are thinking directly. For this I’d highly recommend The Resilience Factor. This is a wonderful book about challenging the thoughts that have become burdensome.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Jealous for the Past. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/11/14/jealous-for-the-past/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 14 Nov 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.