My boyfriend and I have no contact for five weeks. We were both hospitalize for depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide attempts. We became each others motivation to live. But now end-year exams starts and all communications are gone. Not even one text on weekends. It’s the first week out of five and I already got suicidal today and self-harmed for the first time in months. I started smoking again and I’m permanently with a cigarette in my hand. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to survive this, and the fact that he’s suicidal as well just means he’s probably going through the same thing. What if he doesn’t make it? I’m seeing a psychiatrist once a week, but I skip it these days to study plus I don’t really like talking about myself having a low self-esteem.. but I’m just scared now. Scared of myself. I can’t focus on the exams while I feel like this. Every second is torture. what hope can possibly be left? (From South Africa)5 Weeks without Motivation (Suicidal)
5 Weeks without Motivation (Suicidal)
What you want to do is focus on your self-care very intensely. You have no control over how your boyfriend will respond — but you do have a choice about how you will respond. Please keep your psychiatrist’s appointment. You will want to take care of yourself for two good reasons. First, if this is a phase he is going through you’ll want to be in a good, or at least better, place when he is able. If he isn’t able to maintain the relationship you’ll want to be strong enough to manage. This will require you having as much support as you can muster.
Self care is the most important thing you can do during a time of relational crisis. This means treating yourself well by getting enough sleep, eating well and not doing things that bring you down. I’d devote my energy to the things you can do to bring you to and keep you in a better place. Your psychiatrist knows you and can be important in helping you through this time. Reconnect to your therapy and do everything you can to nurture yourself.