I know I need to go to the doctors but before I do I wanted to get other opinions. I’ll start at the beginning; when I was in year 4 I used to scrap my hands on the floor and hurt myself, pinching, pushing my eyes. Things like that. Self-harm has been something I have done a lot, I have also cut for several years but now it is burning myself. However, I have not had an incident in a few months.
I quite often get scared for no reason, angry and excited too. I also get these sexual visions, I’ll be sat there and I start imagining the people around me doing sick and disgusting things. I’ve always loved sex, still, do and I would say I was rather promiscuous.
The reason I think I have bipolar is because my moods can just flip on the slightest of things and the smallest thing can bring me crashing down. I never seem to be just ok, I am either elated, ecstatic or the complete opposite, no energy, no lust for life. My sleeping ranges from 2 hours to 17. I have also noticed that on occasion I can get very very angry and this has only happened in the last year, I get an intense frustration from time to time where everything just makes me so annoyed and I want to punch it. I am also incredibly bad with money. I have maxed out 3 credit cards, lost inheritance. I also get this really intense sadness where I want to cry and feel like there is no hope and I just can’t do anything right.
I don’t feel suicidal anymore but have tried to commit several times.
I actually love being social however my best friend just moved away, my other has hurt my really badly and the other doesn’t seem to make any effort and then on occasion I have thoughts about killing people and torturing them. I entertain the idea for an hour or two and then I feel guilty and disgusted.
I binge eat but never throw it up, I binge work out, I try and not eat but then over eat. I sometimes spend £30 on food when I really need the money elsewhere.
I think that’s about it. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.