I have been self harming since I was in 6th grade. I have also been on medications since a little bit after then as well. I did well all through high school and regularly saw a therapist. I am now a junior in college with three jobs.
Though I have cut back on self harm I still am cutting quite a bit. I know that depression is a pretty common thing now days but I am to the point that when someone asks me if I am okay I just cry. I do not know how to reply because I know I am not okay but I do not know how to fix it. I can not talk to the people close to me about it because I do not want them to look down on me more than I look down on myself. I write my feelings down all the time but the last time I let a children and youth professional read what I write they suggested that I go into a Psychiatric Unit. My grandmother that raised me passed away at the end of last semester and since then my already severe depression has gotten even worse. I find it hard to even be alone now but I do not want people around me either. Which to me does not make much sense! I randomly burst into tears without anything happening. I do not even know that last time I slept the whole way through a night. I am always so restless and I constantly have bad dreams that wake me up normally in tears. I wake up at least 5 times during a night and I shake (like a shiver) in my sleep. I have been on medication for my sleep and for my depression and neither helps anymore and they were both just increased. I just do not know what else to try?
You are obviously a very hard worker with tremendous resilience. Even in the face of all that you are coping with you are still in school, working 3 jobs, and finding ways to cope with a difficult depression. You university is very likely to have a counseling center with professionals who are very familiar with the issues you are presenting. I would encourage you to make an appointment with them and explain your situation. At the very least they will be offer therapy and may have suggestions about a second opinion for your medicine.
Being in the care of people who are familiar with your struggles in school and personally can be very helpful. It seems like your time in therapy in high school was helpful. It may be tie to begin this again.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Nothing Helps Anymore. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/11/04/nothing-helps-anymore/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.