Recently, I’ve been feeling sad, although I’m not sure that’s enough to see somebody. I’ve never had very high self esteem, and during high school I think I went through periods of depression. I even self-harmed during those times. The only person I’ve ever opened up to and relied on was my boyfriend, but he recently broke up with me before he went off to University. That has been getting to me because sometimes I feel like I’m mourning even though obviously he’s still alive. Currently, I’m stuck at home going to community college because I didn’t have good enough grades in high school, and I only have two close friends that I talk to daily (but not about this kind of stuff). I’ve been feeling lonely lately but I don’t know if it’s something to be worried about or not.
I get stressed easily, and it’s always convenient that I feel horrible the night before an essay is due, which leads me to believe that I’m just making up how I feel as an excuse for failing. From a young age I’ve been told that I’m lazy, and I didn’t want to believe it, however, it’s true, and I hate it.
I’ve never attempted, and I doubt that I ever will, but I do think about suicide more often than not. I have wanted to reach out before, but every time I even think about bringing it up when I’m with someone, or any time I’m asked about how I’m doing, I immediately clam up and get very anxious. I just don’t know if I should do what I always do and just see how it goes or maybe see my school health counselor (I just don’t want anything getting back to my parents). I just don’t know if this is enough to be justifiable in asking for help.