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Is My Partner a Pedophile?

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I have been with my partner for four years now. I started to notice him staring at girls aged between 5 to 10 and very young teens. I first noticed this when we were in the car together and a little girl walk by and he was undressing her with his eyes. I didn’t say anything and thought it was I was reading to much in to it.

We went to his son’s concert and he just stared at a little girl the whole way through, then continually asked his son questions about her. We were at a New Year’s Eve party and the same thing happened, he just stared at a little girl all night. This happens all the time when we are together. When his son was a little younger and used to come out of the bath he would stare at him and pinch his bum and refere to him as being pure. I have confronted him and he has denied it but it happens so often he eventually said it’s because he still feels young.

He works away and said he masterbates up to 5 times a day. When he is home he has a very high sex drive and will want sex up to 3 times a day. I’m very accomadating and try my best to fulfill his needs. During oral sex he has held my nose and this makes me feel very uncomfatable. We went camping and there was a young teen doing exercise and he said we will sit here and just sat and stared at her and then later in the evening told me my bum was down by my ankles. And has made other horrible remarks about my genitals. Everywhere we go he just stares at young children and teenagers undressing them with his eyes. His dad just randomly said he likes play parks and when he is away and calls there are always children’s voices in the back ground. he is also very controlling and doesn’t like me to spend time on my own he is also a very jealous person and very controlling. This situation is making me very unhappy and I suffer very bad from anxiety. Please help

Is My Partner a Pedophile?

Answered by on -


You said that he stares at young girls and “undresses them with his eyes.” Unless he explicitly states that he is doing so, it is difficult to confirm that he actually is. However, when confronted, he didn’t deny your accusations, but instead offered a rationale to explain his behavior. His offering of a rationale could be considered an admission of his behavior.

His behavior is a problem for many obvious reasons; chief among them is that it likely makes the girls at whom he stares feel very uncomfortable. His interest in them is likely sexual.

It’s a problem for your relationship because even after bringing it to his attention, he continues to do it. He seems to have little regard for your feelings.

Whether he is a pedophile is not something that I could determine on the basis of a short letter. He would need to undergo a psychological evaluation to determine that. Despite not having a definitive answer, there are legitimate reasons to be concerned about his behavior and your relationship.

It is concerning that he asks you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. You also described him as controlling and jealous. By your own admission, being in a relationship with him makes you unhappy and anxious. If those things are true, then the question becomes: why stay with someone who makes you unhappy and anxious?

Generally speaking, relationships should bring happiness into your life and not be a source of misery. Whether or not you stay with your partner is ultimately your decision. If you’re having difficulty knowing what to do, consult a therapist. Therapy could help you to determine whether you should end the relationship. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Is My Partner a Pedophile?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Is My Partner a Pedophile?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 3, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 23 Oct 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.