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Should I Move to My Dad’s House?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From a teen in the U.K.: I wish to know whether I should move into my Dad’s house, if that will make matter worse for me or can improve my life at the moment.

My step dad and my mother have, for a long time now, been moaning and shouting at the smallest things. I originally took this as just them trying to be good parents and teach us. However, recently I had an argument with my step dad and mother and things “blew up”. I was told I have been giving them attitude for a long time and that I show no emotion towards my step dad despite the things he has done for me which are things a true father would do and I truly am grateful for that.

I am a teen and I do admit I give them attitude, I am sure every teen does, but it is nothing like they make it out to be. During this argument my step dad told me that if I do not like the rules set in the house then I should move out. He also told me that I’m an embarrassment and he wants nothing to do with me. Tensions are high. Sometimes dinner is not made for me out of spite I think, even though I pay them 140 a month to pay my way, to have some dinner cooked for when I get in from a hard days work.

My mum doesn’t work due to disability and my step dad is her carer so they are always at home which I think is the reason they are always stressed and moaning. Being in the house is like being in prison a lot of the time.

That is my current situation. I am curious as to whether living moving out into my dads house in the south of England, where the rest of my family also lives as we moved up here 4 years ago will help things. If my mother found out I was debating this in my head she would be very offended and upset because my father used to slap me at a young age. I do not remember a lot of this however she does and she doesn’t like the fact I have forgiven him.

I am in favour of this. I’m currently at a job I dislike as well therefore a fresh start seems the right thing to go for.

Should I Move to My Dad’s House?

Answered by on -

A.

This is a tough situation. Your home does sound like a pressure cooker. Your mom and stepdad are apparently restricted from doing very much outside of the home due to her disability. Isolation and lack of stimulation from friends and activity can wear people down, which often leads to irritability and can lead to depression. When you give them “attitude”, it may be the “last straw” for people who are already on the edge.

In addition, their pride may be suffering if they are more dependent on your income than they want to accept. If that’s the case, their annoyance with you may be an attempt to regain some dignity by asserting their parental authority.

At 17, you may want to reconnect with your father in order to make your own decisions about who he is and what your relationship should be. Your mother isn’t wrong to be concerned. But you are old enough and independent enough to take care of yourself now. It may be important to you to find out if he is willing to make amends for whatever happened when you were young.

Before you make a decision, I hope you will have a serious, calm talk with your mom and step dad about the current situation. Admit your part in making home less than wonderful. Talk to them about what it is like for them to be so isolated and see if you can find ways for them to have more to do. Talk frankly about whether your financial contribution is necessary for their survival. A fresh start might be helpful to you, but not if it puts your folks into financial crisis and you end up feeling guilty for it. You may need to do some planning with them first.

Meanwhile, do explore with your birth father about whether he would welcome having you with him. Explore employment possibilities before you quit your present job. It is generally easier to find a job while you have one. Prospective employers are more likely to hire someone who is demonstrably able to work than someone who is unemployed. (It’s not necessarily fair but it tends to be true.)

Take your time. Talk it out. Work on your own attitude and do some clear planning. Impulsive moves in situations like this tend to end badly.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Should I Move to My Dad’s House?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Should I Move to My Dad’s House?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/10/21/should-i-move-to-my-dads-house/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.