From a teen in Poland: I’m a very collected person in public, but when I’m at home alone, it’s really easy to annoy me. Most of the time I’m getting really angry at the smallest things and my behavior while in this state really worries me. Even if it’s only me accidentally turning off my work without saving it I get so angry sometimes I start to cry.
Not only that, but since I was around 10 I started having really violent and graphic thoughts that I would just take out on pencils, paper or other things instead of really hurting anyone. But of a year now or so I started a new thing when I’m unloading my emotions – making damage to myself. The worst part of it is that I don’t do it on purpose. I have rather long nails and sometimes I even end up ripping of my own skin on my face or the rest of my body, digging my nails or hitting (usually my hands)against hard objects – like walls or furniture. I just lose control over my body. Few times I was close to harming another living creature but I successfully stopped myself from doing so.
These acts are often close to what I think about, and knowing how violent my thoughts are I’m scared one day I’ll make serious damage to myself, as last time I almost started choking myself.Violent Thoughts and Acts when I’m Angry
Violent Thoughts and Acts when I’m Angry
You are correct to be concerned. The fact that you are concerned tells me that you have a strong core of mental health. That is something to build on.
If you were seeing me for therapy, we would be exploring why it is that you are so afraid of your anger that you store it up until you can’t hold it in any more. Is it okay for you to be angry? Do you have role models for how to manage it productively? Is there someone important in your life who has taught you that anger is dangerous?
Anger is a human emotion. There is nothing wrong with being angry. There is lots wrong with expressing it in a way that harms yourself or another person – or another creature.
You need some specific help for anger management. If therapy isn’t available to you, please do find books and resources online. You might find it helpful to participate in a forum here on PsychCentral. Go to the homepage. Click on “Find Help.” Then click on “Forums and Support Groups.”
You are clearly an intelligent person. You can benefit from reading and conversing with others who are also learning how to express anger appropriately. If that doesn’t help you bring your expression of anger to a reasonable level, please do consider finding a therapist to help you.
I wish you well.