I’ve always been a pretty anxious person. But recently I started seeing things; shadows, faces, demons, and a lot of house cats that aren’t there when I go near them. I occasionally hear voices, mostly people yelling at me, but the hallucinations are more common. I’m so paranoid most of the time. I feel like I’m being watched or followed. I feel like there is someone outside of my bedroom door right now. I have a small TV in my room and I can see my refection in it from where I’m sitting. Something is telling me that’s not my reflection and it’s a supernatural creature watching me. I refuse to eat food that wasn’t made by myself because someone could’ve poisoned or spit in it. I tried to lay next to my mom earlier (she realized I was having an anxiety attack and wanted to hold me), and she had her arm around me. Something in my head, not a voice but a feeling, told me she was going to dig her nails into my back and rip out my heart. I got up and ran into my room without saying anything. Also, whenever I’m outside or in public, when I hear someone laughing or talking I feel like they are making fun of me.
I don’t trust anything. I put paper over all cameras on my all my devices. I feel like the government is watching me. I thought I could have schizophrenia (my great-great grandma had it), but all the stories I read, people which schizophrenia seem to not be aware that something is wrong with them, although I am very aware something’s not right with me. Pretty much everyone in my family has anxiety and depression. My brother and cousin have struggled with anorexia and my mom is bipolar. Should I get help? My mom thinks I’m clairvoyant. Even just the thought of sending this to a real person is making me nervous.What’s Wrong with Me? Should I Get Help?
What’s Wrong with Me? Should I Get Help?
Yes, you should seek help. The symptoms you have described are concerning and unusual. You mentioned your belief that people with schizophrenia don’t know they’re ill. That is true in some cases. However, many people with schizophrenia vividly detail their symptoms. They are keenly aware that something is wrong.
Generally speaking, people with schizophrenia who know they are ill have a better prognosis than those who do not. This is likely because their recognition that something is wrong means that they will seek help. The fact that you recognize your symptoms and are asking for help is encouraging. Your next step should be seeking help from a mental health professional.
I cannot determine over the Internet whether or not you have a mental illness but if so, treatment could help tremendously. With treatment, your symptoms can be controlled or possibly eliminated.
Without treatment, you risk your symptoms worsening. I hope that you will seek the advice of a local professional. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle