How can one approach a situation where most staff on the floor go out at the end of the week for Friday night drinks but not everyone is included. It feels horrible to hear them talk about their drinks the following week. As a solution I thought of organizing drinks that included everyone on the floor. This would be held on a different Friday or other night at a different location to avoid a clash.
However when I suggested this to my manager (to have someone to co organize it with) they discussed it with their manager, it got out that someone had “complained”, staff started accusing X a colleague so I had to advise my manager of this and ask they quickly address this to avoid an innocent staff member being bullied. I was then advised I’d blown it all out of proportion, being negative and going on a witch hunt and not to email the whole floor suggesting drinks. I of course advised that I had come up with a positive solution, I wasn’t doing the witch hunting and that I had to respond to avoid an innocent staff member from being bullied plus correct misassumptions.
Anyhow it went horribly pear shaped so I’m wondering what other ways can such situations be handled. Continuing to be polite friendly professional and so forth in the hope that one would eventually be included but not having it happen has lead to me feeling inwardly resentful which hasn’t been helpful.
It sounds like a similar situation to how does one handle the bill at a group dinner when someone (who has usually ordered much more than anyone else) wants to evenly split the bill leaving others on budgets who have ordered cheaper meals struggling.
You might try being honest. Try telling your manager how you feel. He might not realize that you feel the way you do.
Another possibility is that he might not be aware that you are being left out. Perhaps he thinks that someone else asked you to join them for drinks and you opted not to go. Miscommunication could be part of the problem.
Alternatively, they purposefully might not be inviting certain people. They may be unkind and inconsiderate.
Understandably, no one wants to be left out. It’s hurtful but, in reality, why should you want to be around people who are exclusionary and who don’t seem to want to be with you?
Ask yourself if these are really the people with whom you want to interact. Your time is better spent developing relationships with people who want to be with you and who would never exclude you from their group. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Getting Included on Work Drinks
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Getting Included on Work Drinks. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/09/30/getting-included-on-work-drinks/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.