Hello all, I have been asking this question my all life. I have a lot of feelings toward pet like my puppy but nearly none towards humans. I tend to do things to manipulate to make them think of me as a good person who cares about them so they would come in handy when I need them. The thing is I am totally unaware of my doings when I do it but only after when I start to analyze my actions later. I realize that my actions become something natural, like it’s common sense for me to pretend that I care about someone. And when I come to sense later, I would feel odd about myself but no guilt or distress.
I have very bad temper but amazingly good at controlling it. I tried to put myself into many situations and I realized I tend to stay really calm no matter what. No signs of fear or freaking out. I put myself in motor accidents, rule breaking, etc. I did not feel a lot.
But I absolutely have emotions and absolutely have never done anything to hurt insects or any other animals. However, I have no problems putting someone in hard situation for displeasing or pissing me off. I am able to manipulate or make someone feel bad or think it’s their fault if something goes wrong.
I do care and do love for one person. I am in a relationship and my boyfriend also thinks I’m quite insensitive towards things but very sweet to him. Like besides him, no other human actually matters. He also thinks I am very alluring, consuming, the way I look or talk can make him feel extremely bad and good at times. He thinks I’m someone he’s been looking for but I know I was not born being someone who satisfies his standards but more like after hearing him talking about who he is looking for, I unconsciously become that person and consume him. However, I truly care and love this person. Whatever is wrong with me, I think he can cure it.
I am constantly filled with ideas and bored at the same time. My work results, my weight, my look has never been stable. As I am working towards a more stable life with my bf, I hope to get myself figured out with some opinions.