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My Husband Is Not Interested in Sex

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I have been married to my husband for 9 years, together for 15. We’re in our 30s. Over the past couple of years, he has become increasingly disinterested in sex. We can only have sex when he wants to, never when I want to. We have sex maybe once a month. I’ve tried talking to him about the problem and telling him how I feel, but he doesn’t seem to acknowledge that it’s a big deal. He says he’s busy and tired, which I understand, but he also says that he has other things to occupy his time such as video games and TV/movie watching, and he doesn’t see sex as much of a priority in light of that, which hurts. He would never consider going to a therapist. I’m getting very lonely and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get a divorce, and I don’t want to cheat on him. What should I do?


My Husband Is Not Interested in Sex

Answered by on -


 I would explain to him that this isn’t okay — that it is not the kind of life you signed up for and that you would want to go with him for therapy to try and sort it out. Be clear that this is hurtful for you and that the marriage isn’t working as things are. If he doesn’t go with you to therapy I would make an individual appointment to get emotional support for the changes you will need to make to either remain in the marriage or move on. Here is a link to an organization that has qualified couples therapist in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Husband Is Not Interested in Sex

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Husband Is Not Interested in Sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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