Thank you for writing. It’s understandable that your efforts to get good information have left you more confused. Please don’t be hard on yourself. It is not at all unusual to find contradictory information and advice on the internet.
Projection, to put it simply, is reading our own issues into someone else’s behaviors. For example, someone who unconsciously feels superior to others may accuse someone else of acting superior during a conversation.
I don’t think your conversation with your husband was an example of projection. I think maybe you wanted some approval from your husband for what you had done — and perhaps an excuse for being late. That’s only human.
But if you often feel unappreciated or if your husband gets unreasonably angry when you are late, it’s another story. I don’t have enough information to comment.
Deciding to cut off from the extended family at this stage of your life (your 50s) is a huge decision. Often there are unintended and negative consequences. I feel it would be irresponsible for me to give you advice on the basis of a short letter. For that reason, I strongly urge you to seek out a local counselor who can hear your whole story and give you the advice and support you need.
I wish you well.