I have always felt off for as long as I can remember. I have had bad relationship after bad relationship. I have been with men who have made me feel awful, but I have also treated them awful. I feel trapped in this awful life, I can’t find happiness! I don’t find joy in much of anything as hard as I try. I have to kids and love them to pieces, but sometimes it’s even hard for me to want to continue being a mom. Sometimes I want to run away because I feel like they deserve someone better. I have struggled to come up with something to pinpoint what exactly my problem is. I have tried counseling so many times and it gets nowhere. I KNOW that I have something wrong… But everyone tells me all the things I am experiencing are normal. Are they? I just can’t accept that. I can’t seem to get along with my mother, I can’t seem to be happy without a relationship, and I fall in “love” so fast, and way to easy. I stay even when I know I shouldn’t. I feel like I am not capable
of doing anything, I feel like the biggest waste. I have anxiety about so many things! I drink more then I’d like and hate it, I recently picked up gambling, which has ruined everything. I can’t do a lot of things unless I’m drinking. I can’t seem to make friends, and only because if I’m sober I wonder why they would ever want to be my friend. I can’t have sex when I’m sober, because I have horrible anxiety that I am doing everything wrong. I have the same anxiety about a lot of other aspects in life as well. I rarely even try new things anymore because I just know I never can, and never will be able to do it. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I just want to know that it can be fixed! I don’t want to live my life so sad, and lonely. I don’t want to waste it.