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My Girlfriend Has Deeply Rooted Issues that Puts a Strain on Our Relationship

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My girlfriend’s father was very abusive and loveless, and her mother had to escape with the kids one night when she was 13. He was a slum lord and fought seven years of divorce court to prevent my girlfriends family from having a stable fresh start. She absolutely despises him.

She now has states of what she calls “loopiness” where she becomes light headed and starts acting like a kid, laughing uncontrollably at things and speaking in a child like manner as well. She told me that in one of her more loopy mindsets she once had a conversation with a tree. I haven’t witnessed anything to that degree but I have witnessed her loopiness every few days. She see’s a psychiatrist regularly but he’s only diagnosed her with anxiety.

One year in and we both love each other, however she is extremely attached. If I’m not seeing her for one day she will get very depressed. Sometimes she stares at photos of us and breaks down crying. Recently I have spent almost an entire two weeks coming over and seeing her every day. It ended up taking a strain on me, and that stress mixed with work stress has caused me to cancel last minute on our daily get together.

Because of this, she is both extremely offended and extremely depressed, she wont text or accept my calls and the day I wanted to use to meditate through my stress was used getting anxious over the status of our relationship.

What’s worse is that if I ever hurt her like this, she will break down and cry without speaking her mind. I will try to be patient, comfort, and encourage her to tell me what’s wrong but she won’t say anything. She once told me she was being unreasonable while she was crying and I had nothing to say other than “it’s okay”.

I want to be with her, I also want to get her help but I need a few days of the week to myself. In the past I have pitched to her that we plan those days and she was okay with that but it builds up so randomly and strongly that I feel the need to cancel last minute.

I’m trying really hard to accept her needs by being with her as much as possible but that goes against what I need. (From Canada)

 

My Girlfriend Has Deeply Rooted Issues that Puts a Strain on Our Relationship

Answered by on -

A.

 I admire the struggle you are having to take care of yourself and the love you feel. Your girlfriend’s problems sound more serious than “anxiety” and I would encourage you to help her get a second opinion. Talking to trees, dissociating, and regressing to child-like behavior while being excessively dependent isn’t healthy for either of you. I suggest getting a second opinion and getting a better handle on what these symptoms are related to. Then you will be in a better position to know what to do.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Girlfriend Has Deeply Rooted Issues that Puts a Strain on Our Relationship

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Girlfriend Has Deeply Rooted Issues that Puts a Strain on Our Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 25, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/09/20/my-girlfriend-has-deeply-rooted-issues-that-puts-a-strain-on-our-relationship/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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