You believe that she’s a narcissist and that may or may not be true. Her diagnosis, if available, would be somewhat irrelevant because it wouldn’t change how you should be interacting with or responding to her. Your saying that your heart won’t let you accept it is the same as saying that you are refusing to believe in reality.
Abraham Maslow, who studied the characteristics of psychologically healthy people, noticed that they accept reality for what it is, not how they wish it would be, hope it would be or fear it would be. You simply have to accept her for who she is. That is the mindset that would help you the most when dealing with your mother and the world in general. People are who they are. What is most helpful is learning new ways of responding to them.
You want her support, and she can’t or won’t give it to you. You want your mother to be different, but that is not going to happen. The sooner you can accept the truth, the less frustration and disappointment you will feel.
If you need emotional support, then you are likely going to have to look elsewhere; to other friends, family, your husband, or your counselor. Try working with your counselor to adjust your expectations of your mother and learning more appropriate and less frustrating ways of interacting with her. The latter might include spending less time with her. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle