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My Girlfriend Had Sexual Relations with Other Men and I’m Hurt

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I make a girl friend some six months ago and we planned to get married. then, some days ago I found that she had sexual relationships with two other guys, and now these revelations are killing me. I was perfectly happy man but now I think I am the most desperate person in the world. I am like dying out of grief and I cannot handle it. Every time I imagine her then the guy comes in my mind having sex with her and that movement, I wish I didn’t exist at all. Now I am in such situation that my love for her has tremendously increased but at the other hand, I think if I married her I would live the whole life thinking about that guy and will spoil my life and hers too. I simply want to forget her, but currently it seems impossible. Please suggest me something to get myself out of it because I don’t want to end up my life like this. I want to do something for humanity but currently, I am desperate, my life is full of pain and I don’t know how to get out of
it. (From Pakistan)

 

My Girlfriend Had Sexual Relations with Other Men and I’m Hurt

Answered by on -

A.

 Thank you for asking this question. It is unclear from your email if these relationships happened before you two were together or if she had sexual relations with these men WHILE you were dating. This makes a big difference on how you approach it.

If these relationships were before you met, then the work is for you to learn to accept she had a life before you. This may be difficult to accept and work through, but the strength of your relationship and the promise of a future together will help you work through it.

However, if she has been with the two men AFTER you thought you were exclusive, then it is time to be thankful you learned about her character now before you married. If she was unfaithful with two men in this way, then you will want grieve what you thought you had with her and move on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Girlfriend Had Sexual Relations with Other Men and I’m Hurt

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Girlfriend Had Sexual Relations with Other Men and I’m Hurt. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/09/19/found-my-girlfriend-having-relationship-with-other-men-and-im-hurt/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.