I am 26 and I’m in a relationship with my best friend. We decided to get married and move in together. The thing is my mother and other members of my family won’t approve him because he lives in another city and they think that my boyfriend is not the part of our social group. They don’t know him, and my mother doesn’t want to meet him. I had a talk with my brother and he said that it’s very disrespectful of me and I behave selfishly and embarrass him. All that because of me thinking about moving to another city. My mother doesn’t know yet about my decision, I have to lie to her from time to time just to take my time and be prepared for all of the fighting and drama. It bothers me a lot, I love my boyfriend he loves me and we’ve been in love for 6 years. How should I deal with my family? (From the country of Georgia)
It is unfortunate that your family isn’t thinking about your needs, future, or joy. Their myopic view of the situation seems to come from their limitations and self interest rather than your happiness.
Invest in your future with your fiancé and invite your family’s to part of this new phase of your life. Give them every opportunity to meet, connect, celebrate, talk and get to know your intended. But make it very clear that you are disappointed in them trying to limit your life for their own reasons. Sharing your disappointment with their behavior and attitude is important because it begin the process of individuation — and you establishing that your needs are different than theirs.
I would also discuss this with your fiancé and see if he would be willing to reach out to them directly. This can also be a way for you and he to take the issue to them rather than your family criticizing what they don’t know.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Family Doesn’t Approve My Fiancé. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/09/14/my-family-doesnt-approve-my-fiance/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.