I am very glad you have written us. There are several things in your email that are important to highlight. On the positive side you knew when to set a limit and realized that regardless of your actions your boyfriend was struggling with his own issues. When you’re in a relationship and feel limited in how you can be around the person this is an important indication. On more than one occasion it seem like you were too accepting — and too willing — to coddle his emotional state.
This is often referred to as enabling. It means that by altering yourself to accommodate him you may have lost a bit of who you are. I’m a firm believer that relationships are not random. We choose our partners consciously and unconsciously. In other words, whatever attracted you to your ex-boyfriend ended up being something that couldn’t be sustained. This is a normal reaction. We often get drawing to people because we believe they can provide something we need, but are often frustrated by the fact that that need becomes less and less experienced.
This is probably a good time for you to enter individual therapy to try and understand three things: first, learn what attracted you to him, because this will tell you a lot about what you need in a relationship. Secondly, learn a bit about when things went south and what kept you hoping he would change.
Finally, ask yourself what you were getting out of the relationship now and why it is being maintained in the way it is. This is a difficult reflection. Ask yourself what keeps you connected to someone who’s emotional needs are so great that it keeps you from having an equal partner.