Since the beginning of the year, I’ve had these weird urges making me want to hurt myself. My breathing speeds up and i can’t stop thinking about it until i do it. It doesn’t usually happen when I’m around other people, but when it does, it includes them. When I’m alone it completely fills my mind and it has lately (the past two months) begun to get worse.
I can only get the relief and satisfaction from seeing myself bleed. I’ve tried burning myself but the only form of harm which seems to work is when i cut or scratch myself so i can see blood. Sometimes i want to be hurt by others, and imagine myself hurting them. The urges don’t make me want to attack them, but it’s enough for me to worry about what i would do in the future. I enjoy seeing people bleeding and I find myself trying to search for gore videos or anything which contains blood. I would say i have the common sense to not want to actually watch people get murdered, but the thoughts i have so often are making me worry about myself. I don’t get dreams anymore, though my mind always trails back to imagine myself stabbing someone, or getting someone else to cut into my skin; the scenes don’t matter, as long as blood is part of it. I don’t know whether this could all just be categorized as part of my personality or some other disorder, but i can’t bring this up to my close friends or my family as they wouldn’t understand. It continues to get worse every day and i fear for what could happen in the future. I haven’t come across any sites detailing how i feel or what it could be, so i hope i get an answer or at least recommendations for what i should do at this point.I Like to Hurt Myself, But Not Because I Am Depressed?
I Like to Hurt Myself, But Not Because I Am Depressed?
Cutting yourself, for any reason, is self-destruction. There is nothing good or healthy about self-destruction. It’s a sign of a person who is dissatisfied, emotionally troubled or suffering. Happy and emotionally stable people don’t engage in self-harm. It never crosses their minds.
To one degree or another, pain and emotional suffering are part of everyone’s life. It’s important to develop the skill set necessary to deal with these painful emotions when they arise. Some people are fortunate and have people in their lives to teach them these coping skills. Not everyone has caring mentors who can teach them the skills that they need. It is generally believed that people resort to self-destructive behavior when they lack healthy coping skills. If you knew better ways to relieve your pain, you would probably utilize those ways. The good news is that you can learn those skills in counseling.
The best remedy for your problem is counseling. It’s important that you ask your parents for their assistance in consulting a mental health professional. You mentioned your reluctance to speak to your parents.
Your parents may not understand, but that’s okay. It’s not necessarily their job to understand your cutting behavior but it is their job is to consult a professional who does understand and who can help you learn new and better coping skills. Mental health professionals can help both you and your parents solve this problem.
In the meantime, you should avoid blood and gory images or videos on the Internet. It only reinforces your behavior. I hope that you will take my advice and speak to your parents about counseling. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle