My 32 year old daughter will frequently say, you don’t understand, when she is going through an issue. Most of the time I do understand as I have gone through similar incidents. She insists nobody understands, she is the only one experiencing a problem. If I try to tell her what worked for me, she immediately rejects anything I have to offer. Example: her 2 year son had his tonsils out, he was fussy, not drinking, spitting up his medicine. She was frustrated, sleep deprived, worried. I told her what I did when she had spinal meningitis, how I dealt with similar issues. She responded, “You don’t understand, I can’t talk to you about this.” She wants to do everything by herself, (she is a single parent with a non-involved father). She has a strong support group with offerings of help, but turns down every offer but then says she has to do everything herself. I was as single parent so I do understand. I did have to do everything myself as I had no support.
I am pretty savvy in mental health issues but I can not understand what is happening. What is she getting by turning down offers of help? How can I support her, help her, help my grandson. What can I do to help make her life easier? Thank you.Best Way to Provide Support ?
Best Way to Provide Support ?
Sometimes when people are in pain what they really need and want is someone to hear them. Rather than offer direct suggestions to your daughter you may need to listen and be empathic to her situation. I know this sounds like you are doing less, but at the end of the day what you are offering to her isn’t being accepted and isn’t helping.
The key to understanding how to listen is by using something known as active listening. It’s requires that you let your daughter talk, and then respond back letting her know what you’ve heard. That is the essence. Here is an excellent article on this Remember, the original name given Freud’s therapy was the talking cure — not the advice cure. For right now being a sounding board for your daughter and be the best thing you can do.