From England: I am the youngest out of 2 sisters and 3 brothers. I have always supported my family members and been there for them whether when my sister went through depression when she lost her job or when my brother became a drug addict. I help each and one of them on their weddings and spent at least £2000 in each wedding. I am now getting married [redacted] of August and I just realized that my dad is not coming, my sister is not coming, my brother is not coming and my second brother said he is coming and does not want to help in the wedding at all. My best man who I have known for 15 years has just told me he can’t come to my wedding because of his job even though I have been telling him to book his holiday from one year and he has been slacking off and maybe doesn’t want to come in person. All I have coming is my mum and sister. I don’t have a lot of friends. I cannot believe this is happening to me. I don’t know why is this happening. After each wedding, I get exhausted because I keep doing chores for 2 weeks for each of my family members and now when my turn comes, they keep giving me these stupid excuses. I am not a horrible person.
I thought if I supported my family members, one day when I needed their help, they would support me. This is the day and they don’t want to.
Should I cancel the wedding? It’s worthless doing it, who do I spend it with? Most of my family can’t be bothered.
I am sorry to hear about your family’s lack of commitment. However, I would enjoy the wedding with your mom and sister present. This is the beginning of you being with someone who loves you and wants to be with you. Just because other members in your family aren’t coming doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate with those who do care.
Canceling the wedding would disrespect your relationship with your fiancé. The people who do not want to celebrate with you is less important in making a commitment to someone who does. Your fiancé wants to spend the rest of her life with you. If just a few of you celebrate — so be it. Save the money, celebrate with those who care, and invest deeply in your marriage going forward.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Should I Cancel the Wedding?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/08/28/should-i-cancel-the-wedding/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.