When I was about 4, I used to bully this girl in my class. I pushed her down the slide and hurt her, but she was too afraid to tell anyone that it was me. As I got older, I began to feel like I wanted to kill someone. I don’t want to feel like that, but I do. When I get that feeling, I’ll stop whatever I’m doing and I’ll think about murder and how I would do it. Sometimes I’ll giggle and/or laugh while I’m thinking about it. My parents think that I’m lying and over-exaggerating. I’m not sure what to do, and I’m not sure if there’s some sort of problem going on. Half of my mind tells me to go out and kill someone, while the other half says that it’s wrong and I shouldn’t. I’ve gotten to the point where I have cut myself so the feeling would go away. Is there anything I can do to stop this feeling from becoming too strong? I don’t want to hurt or kill anyone, but sometimes I’ll get that feeling, and I’ll hurt myself instead.I Feel like I Want to Commit Murder
I Feel like I Want to Commit Murder
It is important that you know that hurting or killing people is wrong. It’s immoral. It should not bring you pleasure to think about hurting people. You might feel this way because someone hurt you and you want someone else to feel the pain that you once felt. Revenge is an understandable human emotion, but it is not a healthy or an appropriate one.
You should want to bring goodness into the world and to help people. Most religions have a variation of the Golden rule that they follow which essentially states that you should treat people the way that you would want to be treated. That message should be one to live by
Painful emotions are distressing and unpleasant. Some people have good mentors who teach them how to deal with painful emotions when they arise but not everyone is so fortunate. Never having learned these skills could explain why you think about murder and engage in self-injury. Those are unhealthy responses to strong emotions that can be corrected with counseling.
It’s good that you have shared this information with your parents because they need to know that something is wrong. You should tell them that you wrote us a letter detailing your concerns and that you want help. Ask them to help you find a therapist in your community. It is especially important because of your self-injury. If your parents don’t take you seriously, then tell a trusted faculty member, family friend or clergyman about this problem.
Self-injury is common among people with emotional problems. Counseling could help you immensely. If you feel that you might harm yourself or someone else, contact emergency services. They can prevent you from engaging in destructive behavior. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle