Your mom has been chronically ill with a variety of symptoms for a long time. What you are describing may be a version of what is called “compassion fatigue.” Anyone who cares for and cares about a person who is so consistently ill can get gradually worn down by it. They then start to have a negative attitude about both the person and the illness.
In addition, you may be dealing with resentment that your mother can’t mother you as you would like her to. Instead, you are having to take care of your mom. That role reversal may be getting to you.
It is normal for a young person to look forward to starting a life of her own. There is no reason to feel guilty about that. But for you to leave home and truly be free to enjoy your freedom, you’ll probably need to work with other members of your family and your mother’s medical providers to be sure she has the supervision she needs.
In the meantime, it’s important that you take care of yourself by developing your own interests, getting out with friends, and working towards your future. I hope you are doing what you need to do to get the education you need to have a career and to support yourself. Earnings from a part time job while in school can be put in a savings account for the money you’ll need to rent an apartment and start an adult life.
I wish you well.