I have come a long way since 2008 when I had a complete mental health breakdown. I have finally gotten control over my action. I am winning my daily battle more almost all the time, or I was. I lost everything in 2008 including the ability to control my actions, for years my emotions ran everything. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I hate taking medication but I was begging for anything that might help, only to be told I would be on so many pills I wouldn’t know whether I was coming or going. So I closed myself away from the world for fear I would react to anything in a negative way. I wanted to give up, but couldn’t. I tried everything available to me in town and in cities I knew well so would not put any more stress on myself then I had already by forcing myself to go to theses places. That went on for years I would force myself to leave my home go to wherever my new hope for help was but nothing worked. I left my home less and less scared of what I might do. T
hen 3 and a half years ago something changed. I was starting win more and more. I had no help no support but the strength that I lost in 2008 was coming back. I struggled yeah but I was doing it. My life was getting better. Soon I felt strong enough to work. However I was turned down every single time. I was still winning my battle for control over my actions and thoughts but I did give up hope of having a job and moving out of a town that is for me toxic.
18 months ago every thing changed I met someone. I met a man who is building a business from scratch and is taking a chance on me. He knows the truth about my difficulties and for the last 10months he has been pushing me to keep moving forward. Days I’d try hide he’ll come round my home talk me up. For 3month I’m working and winning my battle for control 99.9%. My life is amazing. So why for 2week are suddenly I so down that I cry myself to sleep almost every night. Or will break down crying during the day. Luckily my boss he is ok with it. But why?