You are making a mistake by not seeking help. The only thing that could “become of you” if you were to seek help, is that your illness would get to improve. Psychotherapy is a positive experience for most people.
You may be ill-informed about psychotherapy. Negative ideas about it often come from a combination of unflattering pop culture stereotypes and fear. In order for it to be effective you must be open and willing to accept treatment. People who are willing to accept treatment can be helped. People who are unwilling to accept treatment can’t be helped. You can choose to be open to treatment or you can choose to not be open to treatment. The choice is entirely yours.
The symptoms you have described could be the result of the trauma you have experienced. Trauma can cause many problems in life. Psychotherapy is the ideal place to deal with trauma. It can help you to correct your problems.
The bottom line is this: if you choose not to seek help, then you’ll likely continue to suffer and may even engage in criminal behavior for which you could be incarcerated. As you noted, you are on the verge of losing control. Your confidant made it clear that he or she would turn you in to the authorities should you do something that warrants it. Those are indicators that you need help now. It is better to be proactive than reactive. The time to seek help is now, not after something bad has happened. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle