You stated that you were admitted to three hospitals this year, but you didn’t elaborate on why or what happened. It would have been helpful for you to have included information about those hospitalizations, such as your diagnosis and what treatment was given. It’s unclear why these hospitalizations were not apparently helpful and why you are not utilizing treatment.
What you may be describing is depersonalization/derealization disorder. Your symptoms seem most consistent with the derealization aspect of the disorder which, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, involves having experiences of unreality or feeling detached (i.e. feeling lifeless, having out-of-body experiences, etc.). Auditory and visual hallucinations are also common with this disorder.
Diagnoses cannot be made online and thus, in order to determine if you have a mental health disorder, you would need to undergo an in-person evaluation. That is something I would highly recommend. You should also avoid using drugs or engaging in any other self-determined treatments. Doing so could make your symptoms worse. You want to try to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. Stress, anxiety, overstimulation, lack of sleep, and even certain lighting can make your symptoms worse.
Please speak to your parents about your symptoms and ask for their assistance in seeking professional help. Treatment might involve your taking medication and or engaging in psychotherapy. Treatment will be your best chance of overcoming this problem. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle