Where do I start? So I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and I believe I have a plethora of mental illnesses. I’ll start with the events that have shaped my life to this day.
1. I was sexually molested at the age of 10 by 2 different men. Same year I started puberty. Same year my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
2. I was raped when I was a 14 year old virgin. Rapist gave me an incurable STD.
3. Watched my mom die in hopspice when I was 21. Now that she is gone, I have been lost. I don’t know how to go about living. I almost don’t want to anymore.
Since then, my mental capacity and capabilities have diminished at an alarming rate. I can no longer carry on a fluid conversation. I am beyond paranoid. I have become more dyslexic. I stutter and pause when I speak, because I cant articulate a response. I’ve been talking to myself a lot more.
My question is, if untreated, can these life events, at such young ages, cause PTSD, anxiety, depression, manic bipolar, or any other mental illnesses, and what can I do for help?
I believe I suffer from all of those. I also believe that I might possibly be Autistic or have Aspergers. I have read symptoms, and have taken every online test imaginable, and they all say I am on the autistic spectrum. Now where I am having trouble, is finding somewhere that I can be evaluated for diagnosis. I have no health insurance and don’t know the first thing I need to do to go about tackling this. Can someone please help me? I’ve been going insane and I fear that one of these days I will snap and kill myself. I don’t want to, but it’s the only thing I can think of to silence the constant bad thoughts and voices in my head telling of my worthlessness and failure, among other horrific thoughts and fantasies, and just end the overall frustration and self loathing. Please help me. I just need to know what the first step is to getting diagnosed and medication. I am seeking therapy, but they do not diagnose, and I feel it is not helping me at all to just have some random person ask me how my day was. Please help. Thank you.