As I think you might already know, one book does not equate to a diagnosis. You might not ever really know what diagnosis your mother may have unless she were to be evaluated, in person, by a mental health professional.
In your case, her diagnosis might matter less than overcoming the problems you’ve highlighted in your letter. Whether or not those problems stemmed from your mother may not be important at this point in time. What is most important is correcting the problems that are holding you back in life.
The most efficient way to do this is to go to counseling. Counselors undergo years of rigorous training to learn to treat the very problems with which you are struggling. They spend their graduate careers studying psychological problems and how to correct them. Of course, educating oneself about the nature of these problems is helpful but counseling is the most expeditious way to make these necessary corrections.
Counseling is the best advice I can offer you. In the meantime, you might try reading about borderline personality disorder. There are also many resources online for your research including Psych Central, among others. Amazon is a great place to read reviews about books. You might find the self-help books written by David Burns to be particularly helpful. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle