Your fantasies are outside the norm. Most people do not fantasize about killing and cannibalism and would find these thoughts to be immoral and an unacceptable expression of evil.
Killing a dog and watching it suffer and gaining pleasure from its suffering is also something that most people would never do. It is a socially unacceptable behavior. The FBI considers cruelty to animals a crime against society.
The graduation hypothesis suggests that hurting animals is an early warning sign for future violence. If an individual is willing to hurt animals, then they might also be willing to hurt people. Animal abuse has also been linked with domestic violence, child abuse and murder. Some well known killers have histories of hurting and torturing animals.
You have already killed an animal. The concern is that you will hurt more animals or “graduate” to people. Also concerning is that you like these fantasies, seem unwilling to give them up, are turned on by them, and have already more or less said you don’t want to see a therapist.
Mental health professionals can’t help people who don’t want help, but if you change your mind, you can get help. Getting help could be the difference between your correcting this problem or it growing into a much larger problem in your life. Had you been arrested for torturing and killing the dog, you would have likely faced jail time. Should it happen again and you are caught, given the new harsher federal laws against animal abuse, you could face significant prison time. The FBI recently reclassified animal cruelty as a Group A federal offense, a category that includes other serious crimes such as arson, burglary, kidnapping, and homicide.
Whenever you recognize that something is wrong and that your behavior is a problem, then it is incumbent upon you to seek help. Seeking professional help is the most effective and responsible choice you can make. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle