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Anger Issues with Mother

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I have a hard time not being able to control my anger towards my mother. Every time she does something that irritates me i get really angry and start to breath heavy and have the need to break things, after that i start to cry and whisper to myself “I hate her, i hate her.” I dont know where my anger towards her comes from but it has always been this way. I really cant stand her. If it wasn’t for my younger brother i would not talk to her at all, But he needs me, so im dealing with her just for him. Im not diagnosed but im certain i suffer from depression and i would not be surprised if i have something else, since mental health issues runs in the family. I get easily upset and angry, but especially with my mother. I dont know how to deal with things and i dont want to break things, so i end up clenching my fists or pushing my nails into my arm or even biting my self hard just to not break anything, i’ve hit myself in the head many times just to try to get rid of my anger, im hurting myself and i dont want to do that, but i just cant control it.
Im to afraid to go to someone who can diagnose me or help me since i know my family would be disapointed, and it would be really bad for my younger brother. He really looks up to me and i dont want to hurt him in any way. I know my health comes first, but i care too much for others. (age 20, from Sweden)

Anger Issues with Mother

Answered by on -


 Yes, your health should come first and taking care of yourself would be the best way to be a good role model for your little brother. Wouldn’t you rather teach him to deal with his problems directly rather than deny them?

I am not sure why you get so angry with your mother either, but I do think it is worthy of looking into it with the help of a trained professional. Hurting yourself in order to deal with these feelings suggests that you could benefit from improved coping skills. Learning to better understand your feelings and developing a variety of problem solving techniques will not only help you now but for years to come. Perhaps a therapist can also help you understand why you have such extreme feelings about your mother.

Lastly, if you are concerned about what your family would think of you seeking help, why do they need to know? Therapy is confidential. No one needs to know that you are going or what you are going for. If for some reason it takes a while to find a mental health counselor, I would suggest that you get a book or workbook on anger management so that you can immediately address your issues.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

Anger Issues with Mother

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Anger Issues with Mother. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 28, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Jul 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.