Hello, Over approximately the last year and a half I feel as I have become a very unstable person. I am constantly becoming angry over very little things and sometimes I notice that I am angry for no reason at all. It is usually a very intense anger and I feel as it controls me and I mostly cannot control it. It is like every little thing sets me off into a rage and I make very poor decisions such as punching something, breaking something or throwing something. I have punched three holes into the walls of my house and have broken more things than I can count.
I have also been having a constant feeling of emptiness, it is hard to describe but it literally feels like something is missing from inside me and nothing can fill it. Sometimes if I drink alcohol the feeling subsides but sometimes it can make it worse to. But nothing else I have tried make the feeling go away.
I have also developed some very bad habits such as spending money on things I don’t need even when I know I cannot afford it. Another bad habit is the way that I drive. It is like I am rushing every time I go somewhere even when I don’t need to rush. I am always speeding way over the speed limit, I am swerving between cars and again I feel like I cannot control myself because whenever I drive like a normal person I somehow end up becoming angry that I am not going fast enough, then the rage comes up and I start to drive really reckless.
I also have been distancing myself from some of my really close friends and almost all of my family for no reason. When my friends ask me to go out I make up some excuse why I can’t and then I sit in my room. When my mom texts me asking about my day or really anyone in my family tries to engage in a conversation with me, I completely end the conversation because I for some reason cannot bring myself to talk with them. I am 20 years old so I understand that I’m not just “at that age”. I am an adult and I feel like I have no control over any of this.