From a teen in the U.S.: I have been told I have one of the two, aspd (Anti-social personality disorder) or autism. I always assumed it was aspd.
Anyways on a day to day basis I feel only a handful of emotions. Which to me that seems completely normal and fine. I grew up in a normal home but I feel no guilt. And growing up with that as a child allowed me to get into a bit of trouble.
I do have a bit of an ego and feel above the people around me. I have no connection to those around me, I can be socially outgoing or anything really. I consider myself a master at personality mirroring, I get into people’s heads. I find that chaos intrigues me. I can lie flawlessly, my parents noticed that and my lack of guilt as a child but let it be. When I am alone i have no emotion because there is no one for me to mirror, I am myself and all I’ll feel is a sense of content but to me that’s fine, I feel my best when I am at that state. Feeling and thinking this way seems superior in my opinion.
I have not felt love or a real sense of attachment. People come and go to me. No one is special unless I see a purpose for them, family included in this. I was a bit violent towards animals when I was younger and I was also very manipulative. I was meticulous when planning out the things I’d do. I can be a risk taker and I feel as though I won’t get caught. I have no real fear of anything. What would you classify this as? Aspd or autism?ASPD or a Form of Autism?
ASPD or a Form of Autism?
I’m sorry. I can’t give you a definitive answer on the basis of this information alone. Either is possible, including that you have both.
Of more importance to me than the label is that you are so disconnected from people. People are social animals. We are wired to need and want to be with others for our emotional and physical health.
Disconnection can be the consequence of biology, trauma, learning or a combination. Whatever the cause, continuing as you have been will send you down a path of a lifetime of loneliness and probably anger (that you may justify as indication of your superiority). For that reason, I hope you are getting therapy.
You are only 17. However content you may feel with yourself, you also acknowledge that your feelings and behaviors are unusual; perhaps abnormal. There is great advantage in pursuing therapy now. Your brain is still developing. Your attitudes towards others are not locked in. You can set yourself down a different path.
Your letter shows you to be intelligent and insightful. These are strong, positive assets for therapy. If you commit to taking it seriously, you will do well with it.
I wish you well.