For the last year or so I have been getting progressively worse and its getting to a point that worries me.
I’ve been dealing with extreme paranoia and trust issues for as long as I can remember and have had some trauma in my life but no abuse.
Lately I’ve been having much more extreme mood swings and loss of time. I lose hours at a time and have no recollection whatsoever of what I did or how I did it. Conversations, trips to the store, I can seemingly lose it all. After asking those around me I have discovered that during these blank spaces my speech becomes almost incomprehensible and my demeanor is much different than normal.
I hear and see things that nobody else can especially when I’m alone, things like children crying out to me and shadows darting around in the corners of my eye. It’s getting worse and happening more often to the point where its starting to keep me from sleeping some nights.
I have dreams now which I never had a couple months ago, in these dreams horrible horrible things happen. Whether its me raping and torturing innocent people or just doing explicit sexual acts I’d never want to do in the real world with people from my family. I’m scared to sleep at night because I fear what I’ll have to witness that night.
I feel as if I’m slowly losing control of myself and that I’m so desperate to regain that control that I’m breaking my own mind. So far I’ve only been hurting myself and haven’t gone after anyone else.
Please just shed some insight on what could be going on inside my mind because its starting to really get to a scary place.