My girlfriend has sexually masochistic dreams where she is engaged with another individual or multiple men. She is mostly in a helpless state being tied down or held down and molested in these dreams receiving physical abuse and pain. She has a history of childhood sexual abuse and these dreams have been there since childhood. Most of these dreams start by recalling the memory of the said child abuse where she goes back to being a helpless little kid. She has a self-blaming and self-victimizing attitude when depressed. I recently took her to a therapist and she is dealing with the issues and feeling much better in coping with it. I would like to have a second opinion on this issue.
Even though the therapy is working, any depression in her day to day life can trigger these dreams again. Prior to dating me, she was comfortable with these dreams and liked them as they have always been there from her childhood. However, ever since she became committed to me, she is having trouble letting go of her modesty and morality in her dreams and constantly fights back and thus turns it into a nightmare. This results in more lack of sleep and depression. She is primarily worried that she would not be able to resist to such forceful advances by another person and will like being abused in real life if she let go of her control in the dreams. She also has experienced hypo-arousal (freeze/shutting down) in one of those encounters in the past. Any exposure to such incidents usually puts her into a state of self-hatred and worthless and makes her feel like a whore. I am not there in person with her to support her as we are currently in a long distance relationship.
Since I have heard dreams are mind’s way of healing and relieving stress, I would like to know if letting the dream take its course and not fighting back (which she don’t mind if it wasn’t for me) is good for her. Will that affect her choices and sexual urges in day-to-day life?
Also, in bed, she wants me to do anything that is painful to her. She says that’s the only way she can truly feel and let go. She prefers to try some of the mild BDSM practices and I am okay to that. I would like to know if it is healthy to pursue such practices since she enjoys it.