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Ignored by My Fiancé

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From Romania: We are together by 8 months now. He is 10 years older, divorced with a daughter that lives with her mom in another city. We are also in a long distance relationship, we live 600km away. We spoke many times per day, he used to send me video with love declarations, we made plans for marriage and moving in the same city, everything was perfect, like he came, he hugged me and I felt like I never did, no more pain, frustrations or bad memories. Just love and the future in front of me.

Last week, he said on the phone that he knows that his daughter won’t be able to enjoy him for a long time, because he will not live until his parents are. I asked, laughing, joking why is he not speaking about me and our children when he talks about the future. he got angry, we fight, he closed his phone for the night and since then, he is ignoring my calls, message, emails, everything. Not a single word. Nothing.

I am supposed to live tomorrow in his town for a business trip, I started to write that I need to know where I am going to stay for those 10 days, still no answer.

I don’t question the love we felt, the feelings. And I also don’t think that he stopped loving me in one moment. And I don’t understand what happened, I cry, smoke a lot, I am not sleeping. I don’t know if I should knock at his door when I arrive in town or just let him be and dumb him and everything we were.

I don’t know why is he shutting me down, what I did that hurt him so much, until this event, my life was him, I was ready to quit my business and move to his town, I was so sure we were real. I still think I can forgive him, because he has lots of past issues, but I am not that certain anymore. I don’t know what to do to save us and help him.

Ignored by My Fiancé

Answered by on -

A.

You need to let him reach out to you to heal this — if he is going to. Running after him after he blocked you out in this way sets a very bad precedent for your future. You don’t want to be in a relationship where your partner doesn’t know how to repair what he has done — and is taking no steps toward healing.

I realize this may be very difficult. But if he isn’t reaching out to you to apologize he isn’t showing he is ready to commit to you and he isn’t taking responsibility. If you contact him let him know you are disappointed that he hasn’t reached out and that you will wait for him to do so before you try to reconnect. Letting him know about your disappointment makes it clear that you are not going to chase him. If he doesn’t respond in a reasonable amount of time you may want to seriously consider moving on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Ignored by My Fiancé

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Ignored by My Fiancé. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/06/19/ignored-by-my-fiance/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.