Over the last couple of years I slowly started to realize that I’m not normal in the way I feel emotions. I don’t ever remember being hyper-emotional, but when I was young I still FELT, I remember crying, having crushes, etc. In the past 4-5 years, however, I’ve been having a hard time feeling anything at all. The only emotions I can seem to feel are irritation bordering on anger, slight depression, and uneasiness, outside of these emotions, I can’t feel anything. To make matters worse, I’ve completely lost the ability to empathize with others, or rather, I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt empathy towards anyone. I noticed my issue upon a death within the family, throughout the entire process I didn’t feel anything, at points I even tried to force myself to feel as I thought I would be a horrible for not doing so.
Strangely enough, every couple of weeks I feel emotion at the most random moments, I can sit staring at a family members face and be overcome with feelings of love, or look at a beautiful vista and feel overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. These bursts are quick and separated over long periods of time. I am completely relieved at these moments however, and try to enjoy them as best I can as they make me feel alive.
I cannot remember the last time I cried, let alone felt bad for someone else’s sake. Despite the lack of tears, I do, on occasion, feel depressed. Some days I will wake up completely depressed. This depression dissipates when I’m around friends or family, but it always comes back at the dead of night, when I’m alone and lost in my thoughts.
I have no idea what to do, any and all help is greatly appreciated.