I have feelings for my school counselor. I know this is completely inappropriate, and I want to get passed it. However, I am not really sure how to go about doing this. I am currently in therapy, and have been for over a year. I completely trust my therapist, but am so embarrassed and scared of this situation that I don’t know how to approach it. The attraction is somewhat sexual in nature, but I think it may be related to past trauma. I have sort of created three of this counselor in my mind; the one that’s just normal, the one I have sexual feelings for, and the one I just want to be emotionally and physically close with. I have had similar feelings toward other people that I am not supposed to feel that about, but never anything on this level. Does this sound like a somewhat typical response to trauma? How do I go about addressing it, so that I don’t feel this way anymore?
You did not provide details about your past trauma and thus my insight into your question is limited. Generally speaking, no two people respond to trauma in the same manner. It is possible that your attraction is associated with past trauma, but without more information it’s impossible for me to determine.
Your sexual feelings for your school counselor are not unusual. You should not feel embarrassed. In counseling settings, these feelings are referred to as transference. In some types of therapies, transference is expected and utilized to improve the therapeutic relationship or to provide insight into how you relate to people.
In this case, you should discuss these feelings with your therapist (not your school counselor). It’s important to be honest with your therapist about your feelings. It is especially important if you are noticing a trend (i.e. you mentioned having similar feelings towards certain other “off limits” people ). Your therapist can help you to understand your feelings and behavior. Use this opportunity to learn about yourself in a deeper way. That is, after all, the purpose of therapy. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Inappropriate Feelings Towards School Counselor
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Inappropriate Feelings Towards School Counselor. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/06/14/inappropriate-feelings-towards-school-counselor/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 14 Jun 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.