I have no idea how to start this, but here it goes:
I’m going to list the things that have been happening to me, please.. give me some sort of idea of what’s going on in my head. I’ve never been formally diagnosed with anything.
I have these awful voices in my head. I get a lot of people have them.. But why are they telling me all of this horrible stuff, like telling me to hurt someone, or myself? They tell me I’m ugly or stupid, or I don’t deserve to live.. and I believe them. Sometimes I talk to them, is that bad?
Some days, I feel drained enough where I can’t even motivate myself to even move. And I normally feel really really sad in these moments. My chest also feels like I’m having a heart attack or something, it hurts alot.
I can barely ever eat, because I get disgusted by myself, and I sometimes force myself to throw up. I feel fat, and ugly.
My mood is all over the place, I feel really really happy at one point, and then I feel like killing myself the next or other times I can’t feel anything at all.. it’s a numb sort of feeling. Like I just don’t care about anything anymore.
I’m scared of being left alone, and I barely ever leave my house anymore, I dropped out of high school because of that and bullying.
I have a horrible habit at picking at scars and sores all over my body until they bleed, which makes horrible scars. Especially on my scalp, and I just can’t stop myself.
I’m really sensitive to people yelling at me, I tend to break down and just cry. Same with the smallest little things, I just get so scared I’m going to be alone.
List of Traumatic experiences:
Molested and raped as a child
My dad passed away when I was 12
A car accident where I almost died
Being in and out of foster care for 4 years
Dating abusive and manipulative people
Many suicide attempts
My friends think I have PTSD, and depression, and anxiety and bipolar and Schizophrenia, are they possibly right? Please help! I know you can’t diagnose me, but please help me in the right direction!
Ps: This is not everything that has been going on.