From a 19 year old in the U.S.: I want to hurt people not a specific person but i want to hurt someone badly enough that i may kill them fantasizing about brings me pleasure but not sexual just pleasure a complete sense of euphoria and i want to know if there is a term for what this means in terms of who i am and if there are more like me. If there is a way for me to change before i really hurt someone I know its wrong but if given the opportunity i would hurt someone and i wouldnt feel bad but some part of me knows its wrong i guess thats why im here or its because i want to know what it is i am.
It would be very amazing if someone could help me figure this out but i just want to reiterate I derive pleasure from fantasizing about hurting people but noone specific no targets no prey just someone i can visualize it perfectly and maybe it comes from me being raped as a child my family does not know about that but it was so long ago that the man who did it would not get charged because of the limitations on rape and molestation. They removed the limitations after i was raped and i am stating this because i dont think i can tell them.I Want to Hurt People
I Want to Hurt People
Hurt people often want to hurt people. This is not at all unusual. When children have been traumatized, as you were, it is very important to get them psychological treatment so that they have a way to process their hurt and anger.
Apparently, you haven’t had treatment. Please don’t be ashamed that you need it. Of course you do. You were hurt and you are feeling helpless to do anything about it. You are therefore left with your fantasies of a kind of revenge. Sadly, those fantasies are going to make it hard for you to trust other people or to be in loving relationships.
At 19, you are an adult. Although I do think you should involve your parents if you have a good relationship with them, you don’t need to. Talk to your doctor or spiritual leader or someone else you trust about how to find a therapist who specializes in the after effects of trauma on children and teens. Then make an appointment.
You shouldn’t have to live with this tension and unresolved feelings. Please contact a therapist and give yourself a chance to heal.
I wish you well.