I’m a person with various failed friendships, usually i get very close to someone but the friendship only last for like a year, and i always end up thinking that i’m kinda replaceable because for the other person is easier to find new friends. In my last year of college i found a couple of friends that i’m very close with, even when we no longer see each other every day and work in different places we have a very good friendship. The problem is that i’m afraid to lose them, in my line of work there’s not much chance to meet new people and i fear i won’t be able to find new friends if i lose them. When i make a mistake, or do something that affects them, or could make the angry, i freak out, even when they tell me that it is ok i can’t stop thinking that we’ll drift apart. I know that i did nothing so bad and i would forgive them if things where the opposite, but i can’t stop thinking that i messed up, it doesn’t matter how much i want to stop, i can’t. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be this anxious all the time.
You categorize your past friendships as being failures but maybe that’s not the case. I am also wondering if you are giving those “friendships” more weight than they deserved.
There’s an important difference between acquaintances and friends. Acquaintances are often the people we befriend at work or at school. These relationships tend not to be very deep and often naturally end when would we no longer work at the same establishment or attend the same school. Almost everyone has these types of relationships at some point in their lives.
Friendships are deeper and more serious than acquaintance-type relationships. This may sound counterintuitive but among psychologically healthy people, it’s normal to have a rather small circle of friends. Because these relationships develop over time and require a great deal of energy and effort, they tend to be fewer in number.
Your ability to have healthy interpersonal relationships might be less of a problem than the fear you have about losing them. Fear seems to be at the heart of the issue. I would need more information about the nature of your friendships, both current and in the past, to know what’s wrong.
Counseling is the ideal place to address these issues. Counselors provide objective advice and guidance about correcting life problems. They specialize in relationship issues. Ask your primary care physician for referral to a counselor in your community. Please take care.
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Anxiety & Fear of Losing Someone. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/05/26/anxiety-fear-of-losing-someone/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 26 May 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.