Hi. I have a problem forming relationships with people. I’ve been working at this place for like 8 months and i still find it really difficult forming interpersonal relationships with everyone here. Not only people in the work place but also family members. I’ve noticed that every time I’m joking around and laughing with someone and getting along with them extremely well, i tend to back off and completely shut down after I’ve noticed that I’m happy or talking a lot. It’s really weird. I do have self-esteem issues and self-confidence issues and i believe i suffer from social anxiety and depression. I so badly want to form relationships with people but it’s like I’m not even allowing myself to you know? My childhood COULD have been better. My dad was a hermit and he didn’t talk to people that well and my mom was an alcoholic at the time so i don’t know if that has something to do with anything. I do remember that i was distant from people even when i was a kid as well. Well not so much distant but it seemed like i needed permission from my friends to go with them places, like i needed to know that i was needed and they liked being around me. I just want to know like what the hell is wrong with me? I just want to be happy. I want to feel normal and BE normal. HELP!
Your assessment of your situation may or may not be correct. You see it from your perspective, but it may not be accurate. This is especially true if the judgments you make about yourself are clouded by social anxiety, insecurity and depression. People with those conditions often misjudge situations by assuming the worst about themselves.
I’m wondering about the relationships you are trying to develop with your coworkers and family members. Generally speaking, relationships between coworkers are professional and fairly shallow. Often, these are convenience friends, people with whom you interact because you happen to work in the same business establishment. Likewise, just because you are related to someone does not mean that you will get along with them. It’s often the case that family members do not get along with each other. Who you should be developing deeper relationships with depends upon how well they treat you, how much you have in common, and many other things.
Counseling is the ideal place to examine these issues. Your therapist can analyze your interpersonal relations and determine if you are doing anything wrong and provide guidance about how to fix it. Ask your primary care physician for a referral to a therapist in your community. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
I Don’t Let People In
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
Randle, K. (2018). I Don’t Let People In. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/05/24/i-dont-let-people-in/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 24 May 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.