Lately I’ve been feeling very strange. I’ve always considered myself to be very bright but lately I feel like I’m slowly turning into an idiot. I’ve loved reading ever since I was young, and I used to be able to read an entire book in one day, but now it seems like the words make no sense to me and I often have to read things over and over again just to understand simple sentences.
I’ve also noticed that my writing skills have deteriorated. I love writing and it’s been a hobby of mine for a long time, and I want to be a novelist when I graduate, but lately it seems like I have no creativity anymore. Sometimes when I’m writing or typing, I’ll be thinking of the word I want to write or type, but then when I go back to look at it, it’s a completely different word than what I wanted. I often make errors in spelling, which never used to happen.
I’ve also become very distracted lately. People will tell me things, and it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. People will tell me information, but I’ll retain none of it and it’s like they never even spoke to me in the first place. This has become a significant problem in my life, and it makes me feel like an idiot because I have to ask people to repeat themselves so much.
Sometimes it feels like I have no idea what’s going on around me, and I often get lost in my own thoughts. I find myself staring off into space for several minutes at a time. When my professors are giving lectures, I’ll space out and stop noticing that they’re even talking. It’s not something that happens consciously and I don’t even realize that I’m doing it.
I want to emphasize that I didn’t used to be like this before. In high school, I was always attentive and could easily follow instructions and I had a great memory, but it feels like all of that is falling apart and I’m slowly turning into an idiot. I hate myself for being incompetent and I cut when I make mistakes because I feel so stupid and useless. I just want to go back to the way I was.